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Support
“When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt
Healing, Hope and Renewal
Our purpose is to provide appreciation, support, encouragement and information to our donor families and to those families whose intent was to donate their loved ones’ organs, tissues and corneas. We are dedicated to assist you in your grieving process with compassion and strength. We are grateful that you have entrusted us as you travel on a path that can be painful, fearful and uncertain, to renewed hope and healing. If we can be of service to you now or at any time in the future, please contact our Aftercare Support Team at 317.685.0389 or 888.275.4676.
Sorrows gather around great souls as storms do around mountains; but, like them, they break the storm and purify the air of the plain beneath them. — Jean Paul
Aftercare Support
As you travel your unique journey through the storm of loss and grief, we want you to know we are here to be your helpful beacon – to guide you toward healing, hope, renewal, peace and comfort. Our Aftercare Support Team members are available to provide the support and resources you may need. Our purpose is to provide appreciation, support, grief resources, encouragement and information to our donor families. You will continue to receive literature on grief, designed specifically for donor families. If you do not wish to receive this support information, please contact our Aftercare Support Team.
Support While Grieving Articles
- Reaching Out for Help When You are Grieving
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/reaching-help-grieving/ - You’re Not Going Crazy, You’re Grieving
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/youre-not-going-crazy-youre-grieving/ - Thanks For The Offer, But I Don’t Know What I Need!
https://whatsyourgrief.com/thanks-for-the-offer-but-i-dont-know-what-i-need/ - The Ripple Effect: Aftercare Support Program
https://162.240.55.4/ripple-effect-aftercare-support/
Suggested Readings
- A Beginner’s Guide to Navigating Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/product/general-grief-resources/ - The Depression of Grief: Coping with Your Sadness and Knowing When to Get Help
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-depression-of-grief-coping-with-your-sadness-and-knowing-when-to-get-help/ - Words of Comfort to Pave Your Journey of Loss
https://www.opentohope.com/words-of-comfort-to-pave-your-journey-of-loss/
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Love
“This loss is a reminder that love is precious. Don’t turn away from the support or love that others have to offer, even in the face of fear of more loss. Keep your heart open to love, and hope and light will find their way in, no matter how overwhelmed by grief you may feel.” — Dr. Alan Wolfelt
Grief is a journey and you will find that the process moves you from heartache to hope in your own time. Please love yourself and be gentle with yourself as you travel this new world of living without your loved one.
Continue to love the person who died. The love you have for them did not simply fade away when they died, so it is important and normal to continue to love them and to honor the unique and special relationship you had.
You may not feel well physically or mentally during this period. Developing or keeping a self-care routine is especially important during grief.
Suggestions to help with your grieving
- As you already know, grief is work and it can be physically and mentally challenging. Get plenty of rest and eat a nutritious diet.
- Avoid the use of alcohol, tranquilizers, sleeping pills and other drugs without the supervision of a doctor. These give only temporary relief and may complicate your grief. Experiencing feelings of grief is one of the necessary steps to healing from your loss.
- Try to get some daily exercise. The act of exercising and the breathing involved is helpful to your body and mind in managing all emotions. Simple activities such as walking, getting outside with children, meditation or yoga can be helpful.
- Ask for and accept support from family and friends. They will be eager to help but often are unsure about what to do. Do not hesitate to let them know what you need (meals, laundry assistance, help with caregiving, running errands, and other daily tasks around the house).
- Keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings. This provides you with a way to express yourself and a perspective on your progress.
- Talk about your experiences, thoughts, and feelings with someone who listens well.
- Speaking with your religious leader or clergy may be helpful during this time.
- If you find yourself preoccupied with your loved one’s gifts of donation or the process of organ or tissue donation, please get in touch with one of our Aftercare Support Team members.
- Be gentle with yourself about your grief journey. If people indicate that “you should be over this,” remind them that everyone experiences grief differently. Tell them how they can help you. You cannot “get over” death or grief — you must go through it to move beyond the grief.
- Try to find balance in your work and life activities. Avoid getting over-involved with work or other activities. While work provides some necessary relief and structure, you also need time to reflect on and experience the pain of your grief. If all the hours of your day are filled with activities — leaving no time for anything else — you may be avoiding your feelings.
- Reading books about grief that are related to the type of loss you have experienced can be very comforting and provide you with a deeper understanding of your grief experience.
- Delay major decisions until you are able to think more clearly. Moving or changing jobs may drain you of energy and complicate your grief work.
- Find ways to take a break from your grief, like going to a funny movie or reading a good novel. It is okay for you to laugh and have fun. Finding enjoyment can provide relief and help create balance in your life.
- Share memories about your loved one. This can help you feel closer to them and ease your pain. Putting together a picture album of your loved one’s life can provide comfort and also creates a wonderful keepsake.
Loving Yourself While Grieving Articles
- Grief is Love
https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-is-love/ - Nurturing Yourself When You’re Grieving
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/nurturing-youre-grieving/ - Physical Stress of Grieving
http://connect.legacy.com/inspire/page/show?id=1984035%3APage%3A3300 - Surviving Grief Through Self Care, Self-Compassion & Self Love
https://hopegroups.org/surviving-grief-through-self-care-self-compassion-self-love-2/ - Taking Care of Yourself Helps You Grieve
http://www.hellogrief.org/taking-care-of-yourself-helps-you-grieve/ - Self-Care
http://www.hellogrief.org/topics/self-care/
Suggested Readings
- Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/understanding-your-grief/ - Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/healing-your-grieving-heart-100-practical-ideas/ - Healing Your Grieving Body
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/healing-your-grieving-body-100-physical-practices-for-mourners/ - Loving from the Outside In, Mourning from the Inside Out
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/loving-from-the-outside-in-mourning-from-the-inside-out/
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Loss
“It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.” – John Steinbeck
Grief
Grief is the response to the loss of someone or something to which a close bond was formed. Grief is the emotional suffering we experience when we lose someone who means a lot to us. It is a healthy and normal response and a necessary process for adjusting to living without the person we love.
Dimensions of Grief:
- Emotional
- Physical
- Cognitive
- Behavioral
- Social
- Spiritual
We each grieve in our own way. People can express grief differently because of the way they have been socialized.
- The intuitive griever can have: feelings that are intensely experienced; expressions such as crying and lamenting that mirror the inner experience; prolonged periods of confusion, inability to concentrate, disorganization and disorientation; physical exhaustion and/or anxiety.
- The instrumental griever characteristics are: thinking is predominant to feeling as an experience, and therefore feelings are less intense; general reluctance to talk specifically about feelings; mastery of oneself and the environment are most important; problem-solving as a strategy enables mastery of feelings and control of the environment in creating a new “normal”.
As children, we express grief as it relates to our level of understanding, our age and the way significant adults share their grief with us. Because each of us is different in our upbringing and experiences, it is important that we respect one another’s ways of dealing with grief. To learn more about children’s grief, click HERE.
Grief Journey
The grieving process is experienced by each of us in our own way and on our own timetable. Grief is the journey and you will find that the process moves you from heartache to hope in your own time. There is no right or wrong way to experience your grief. Please be gentle and patient with yourself as you travel this new world of living without your loved one.
Most of us respond initially to a sudden death with shock and disbelief. We just cannot believe what has happened. This is what can lead to a period of denial because we do not want to accept that the person has died. As we gradually begin to accept the reality of the death, we often feel confused. This confusion is made up of many feelings that seem to conflict with one another.
The feelings that surface for us after a loss relate to the manner of death and our relationship to that person. If the death was expected, we may have had time to say “goodbye”. However, when death is unexpected, there is no time for “goodbye” or to take care of unfinished business with our loved one. These factors tend to complicate the grieving process and intensify feelings.
It is in recognizing our feelings and expressing them that we can begin to feel better. Acknowledging our feelings helps us to learn more about the meaning of our relationship with our loved one and the impact of this loss in our lives. It is in this process that healing begins. With this healing comes a sense that life is starting to feel “normal” again — not “normal” as it was but a new “normal”. The following is a description of common reactions and feelings you may experience as you grieve for your loved one.
Shock and Disbelief
Shock and disbelief are the most common reactions to the sudden death of a loved one. The general feeling is one of numbness, which allows us to function and thereby helps us accomplish what we need to do regarding our loved one’s death. This numbness is nature’s way of protecting us from becoming overwhelmed by the impact of our loss.
You may also experience physical symptoms of your grief, including aching in the chest and arms, heart palpitations, feeling as if you can’t take a deep breath, or constant sighing. Your appetite and sleep patterns may be affected. You may experience disruptive sleep patterns or trouble sleeping. This is a normal response to the loss of a loved one and it disappears in time. It is crucial for you to be taking care of yourself physically and to allow others to care for and support you during this difficult time.
Denial
When we experience a tragedy, we do not want to believe it has happened. This is why you may find yourself wondering, at times, if this is just a bad dream and you will soon awaken to find that it is not true. You may feel the need to tell the story over and over again, which can help convince you of its truth. At times, it may steel feel like your loved one is with you. Accepting the reality of your loved one’s death will help you move forward in your grief. Acceptance comes in time and may increase your feelings of loneliness and sadness. When you can no longer deny your loved one’s death, you have a greater sense of the loss and its effect on your life.
Confusion
As the numbness wears off, many feelings can begin to surface — strong feelings that seem to be all mixed together. At this point, we tend to feel unsure of what it is we think or believe because it seems to change from day to day. Our emotions feel out of control. Talking about your feelings and writing them down can be helpful in gaining some clarity during this period of confusion.
Fear
Fear is a normal reaction to the sudden and unexpected death of another person. We are confronted with how helpless we are in the face of death and that bad things can happen at any time. The universe no longer feels like a safe place. This sense of vulnerability is compounded by the fear that we must go on living without that special person. Since we do not know what this will be like, the future seems uncertain and scary.
Anger
Anger stirs within us when someone we love is taken away by death. It is quite natural to feel angry because we feel abandoned and victimized. Even when our loved one did not have control over his or her death, we can feel angry at him or her for leaving us. Some of us get angry with God, while others express anger toward the medical system for not being able to save the person. It is important that you express feelings of anger in an appropriate manner by channeling them into activities such as exercise, listening to music, journaling, hobbies, etc.
Guilt
Guilt is present when we feel that we “should have” or “could have” prevented the death and when we have unfinished business with the person who has died. We often show our guilt by being angry at others while we might actually be angry with ourselves. You may find yourself saying things like, “If only I had not let him take the car that night” or “If only I had apologized to her for what I said during our argument.” It is important to resolve guilt because it can negatively affect how you feel about yourself.
The following are some of the steps you can take to help with your healing process:
- Talk about your feelings of guilt with family, friends, a counselor or someone you trust.
- Acknowledge/recognize your feelings and that you are being affected by them.
- Writing about your feelings of guilt is another way to express them and may prove easier than trying to make yourself understood in a conversation.
- Explore the reasons for your guilt to help understand what you are going through.
- Recognize your need to grieve in order to heal and give yourself the time necessary for that.
- Allow yourself to cry or express emotions when needed.
- Remind yourself that ultimately you have no control over death. When you realize this, it will become easier for you to release your guilt.
Emptiness and Loneliness
Emptiness and loneliness occur because a part of us goes with our loved one. The emptiness is felt both inside of ourselves and in the world around us. No one can fill the empty place or take away the loneliness, because the relationship you had with that person was unique. Learning to live without your loved one is the most difficult task of the grieving process.
Depression
Grief is a healthy reaction to the death of a love one. It is important to watch for signs of depression, which is the prolonged deep sadness that may stay with us for a long time after the death. It can be characterized by low energy, anxiety, and a lack of interest in the pleasures of life. As you learn to accept and express your feelings, the depression will begin to ease. You will realize that it is lifting when you are able to have days that are not overwhelming or absorbed in grief.
Be gentle and patient with yourself. It may take a long time for you to get to the point of feeling really good about life again. As time passes, you should begin to notice improvement in your sleeping habits and appetite, as well as an increased ability to concentrate, work and find joy in living.
If you do not notice improvement in these areas, feel “stuck” in your grief or have thoughts about wanting to hurt yourself or die, you may be experiencing complicated grief, a depression that requires professional help. Complicated grief is an intense, long-lasting form of grief that takes over someone’s life. For most people the intensity of grief fades with time. For people with complicated grief it can feel like grief is taking over your life as compared to acute grief where there are typically “good and bad days.”
Factors that contribute to the chance that one may experience this type of grief include suddenness of the death, the gender of the person in mourning and the relationship to the deceased (for example, an intense, extremely close, or very complex relationship). If you are experiencing complicated grief, please contact us for support resources in your area.
Children & Grief
What to tell children
Adults often try to protect children by sheltering them from information or participation in death rituals. What you choose to share with your children or the children in your family may vary depending on the age of the child, their prior experience with loss, their relationship to the deceased and the cause of death.
Generally, children need simple explanations of the truth. They can sense when adults are not being truthful, which can result in a loss of trust and the development of insecurities. It is better to tell them in simple terms that the person has died. If you show that you are open about your feelings and are interested in their feelings, they will be more comfortable asking questions and expressing themselves. This is what they need in order to learn about death and feel protected.
During periods of grief, it is normal for children to revert developmentally. This is very normal and will improve with time.
Age, Birth — 2: Children of this age don’t understand death well, do not have words for feelings, are aware of the absence of a loved one, and notice changes in routine and in family emotions. He/she may feel longing; missing the contact, sounds, smell and sight of a loved one; anxiety and fear of abandonment. Possible behaviors are crying, sickliness, indigestion, thrashing, rocking, throwing, sucking, biting and sleeplessness. How to help: physical contact, cuddling and reassurance; maintain routines; meet immediate physical needs; include the child in the mourning process when possible; and be gentle and patient.
Age, 3 — 5: Children of this age see death as reversible. You may need to regularly repeat the conversation about the death in order for them to begin to understand. The distinction between any accident and a tragic accident may not be understood. Attention to the child’s questions, with repeated simple and consistent messages, should increase their comprehension. How to help: allow the child to regress; give physical contact; encourage children to play and have fun; allow safe ways to express feelings; maintain structure and routines; let the child cry; include child in family rituals and mourning.
Age, 6 — 9: Children of this age will require a more detailed explanation of the death. For example, describing the differences between routine illness and terminal illness may be important. Sharing your emotions with children this age may be helpful for them to identify and express their own feelings. Adults should also reassure children that they do not bear any responsibility for the death.
Age, 10 — 18: Explaining the death and helping preteens and teenagers understand emotions is important. Many adults assume teenagers will take care of themselves. Adult support is necessary to allow teenagers to discuss any anger, guilt or responsibility they may feel. While working with teenagers it is very helpful to use the skills of a counselor in communicating details of a traumatic death.
Explaining suicide and murder to children requires thought. Honesty remains an underlying requirement. Anger toward the loved one is natural in suicide, and children should be told that feeling angry does not mean they did not love the person. Older children will probably seek a more detailed explanation, which can be appropriately provided.
The explanation of murder to a child should be as simple as possible regarding who did it and why, if known. A suggestion for explaining the murder of a loved one is, “A terrible thing happened over which we had no control.”
Withdrawal, problems in school, misbehavior, risk taking, appetite and sleep problems are normal in children after the death of a loved one. Children may also fear that remaining family members will abandon them or die as well. If these or other problems persist, it may indicate the child would benefit from professional help.
Children’s Grief Articles
- Finding the Right Words: Guidelines on How to Talk to Grieving Children About Death
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/11/finding-right-words-guidelines-talk-grieving-children-death/ - Helping Teenagers Cope with Grief
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/helping-teenagers-cope-grief/ - Helping Children with Funerals
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/helping-children-funerals/ - Helping Children Understand Cremation
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/helping-children-understand-cremation/
Children’s Grief Books
- Finding the Words: How to talk with children and teens about death, suicide, funerals, homicide, cremation, and other end-of-life matters
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/finding-the-words/ - Companioning the Grieving Child: A Soulful Guide for Caregivers
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/companioning-the-grieving-child/ - The Companioning the Grieving Child Curriculum Book: Activities to Help Children and Teens Heal
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-companioning-the-grieving-child-curriculum-book/ - A Child’s View of Grief
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/child-s-view-of-grief/
Children’s Grief Web Resources
- Helping Kids Grieve
https://sesamestreetincommunities.org/topics/grief/?utm_source=yahoo&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=childgriefsupport&utm_content=ChildGrief&utm_campaign=SSIC2018 - The Dougy Center- The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
https://www.dougy.org/
Words that can help
Offering support to a grieving child can begin with a simple statement or open-ended question. Here are some conversation starters:
- I’m sorry your mom/dad/sister died.
- What was your dad/mom/brother like?
- Tell me about your __________.
- What was his favorite food?
- What do you miss the most?
- What is the hardest part for you?
- What is the hardest time of day for you?
- I cannot know how you feel, but I remember how I felt when my __________ died.
- I care about you.
- I care about how you are feeling.
- Is there anything I can do in the classroom to help?
- Is there anything in the classroom you would like to change to feel more comfortable?
- Would you like to talk about it?
- I’m available at this time, if you would like to come by and talk.
- Whenever you want to talk about it, I’m here for you.
- I’m thinking about you especially today because I’m aware that today is your mother’s birthday (anniversary of the death, your birthday, etc.).
- I’m here to listen if you want to talk, or just spend time together if you don’t want to talk.
- When is your recital (game, rehearsal, etc.)? Would it be okay if I stop by?
Words that can hurt
The following are a few of the potentially harmful comments that are often offered to children grieving the loss of a parent:
- I know just how you feel.
- I know just how you feel…my dog died last year.
- Lick your wounds and move on.
- You’ll get over it.
- It will be okay.
- Don’t think about it.
- You are better off without him.
- Don’t cry.
- It’s your fault.
- You drove your father to drink.
- If only you had ____________________________.
- Tears won’t bring her back.
- Be strong.
- Forget about it.
- You are the man/woman of the house now.
- You should feel…. (proud, relieved, happy, sad, etc.).
Loss Web Resources
- https://162.240.55.4/resources/donor-families/grief-support-resources/
- https://whatsyourgrief.com/
- https://www.centerforloss.com/
- https://grief.com/
- https://www.opentohope.com/
- www.hellogrief.org
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Loss Articles
- Helping Yourself Heal When Someone Dies
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/helping-heal-someone-dies/ - Exploring Your Feelings of Loss
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/11/exploring-feelings-loss/ - Helping Dispel 5 Common Misconceptions About Grief
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/helping-dispel-5-common-misconceptions-grief/ - Embracing the Sadness of Grief
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/02/embracing-the-sadness-of-grief/
Suggested Readings
- Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/understanding-your-grief/ - The Wilderness of Grief: Finding Your Way
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-wilderness-of-grief-finding-your-way/ - Eight Critical Questions for Mourners? And the Answers That Will Help You Heal
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/eight-critical-questions-for-mourners/
Specific Loss Resources
- Helping Yourself Heal When Your Spouse Dies
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/helping-heal-spouse-dies/ - Helping Yourself Heal When Your Child Dies
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/helping-heal-child-dies/ - Helping Yourself Heal When a Parent Dies
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/helping-heal-parent-dies/ - Helping Yourself Heal When an Adult Sibling Dies
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/helping-heal-adult-sibling-dies/ - Healing a Grandparent Who is Grieving
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/helping-grandparent-grieving/ - Helping Your Family Heal After Stillbirth
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/helping-family-heal-stillbirth/
Special Circumstances Resources
- Suicide – Exploring the Uniqueness of Suicide Grief
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/exploring-uniqueness-suicide-grief/ - Sudden or Violent Death – Healing Your Traumatized Heart
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/healing-traumatized-heart-seeking-safety-understanding-peace/ - Drug Overdose — Helping Yourself Heal When Someone You Care About Dies of a Drug Overdose
https://www.centerforloss.com/2017/01/helping-heal-someone-care-dies-drug-overdose/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Donation
“The value of life is not in its duration, but in its donation. You are not important because of how long you live, you are important because of how effective you live.” – Myles Munroe
Donation Overview
- How is death determined? Organ and tissue can be donated after death has occurred. There are two ways that a person can die — either a person’s heart stops beating (cardiac death) or the person’s brain stops functioning due to the absence of blood flow (brain death).
- How does the organ and tissue donation process work? Indiana Donor Network receives notification from hospital and community partners when a death has occurred. After authorization, a medical and social history is completed along with any necessary medical testing to determine what organ and tissue gifts are suitable for donation.
If your loved one was an organ donor, one of our coordinators worked with the United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS) to match your loved one’s organs with recipients. After the organs were accepted, transplant teams from each facility traveled to the hospital where your loved one died for organ recovery surgery. The utmost respect was given to your loved one and his/her precious gift of donation. Once recovery was complete, the organs were transported to the recipients’ transplant centers for transplantation surgery. If your loved one was a tissue donor, tissue was recovered by one of our highly trained tissue teams. After recovery, the gifts of tissue were received by our tissue partners to be prepared for transplant. This process takes approximately 9 months. The generous gifts of tissue may be shared with recipients for up to five years following the donation.
Organ Donation
- Who can donate organs? The opportunity to save lives through organ donation most often follows brain death. People who suffer brain death are receiving oxygen through a ventilator, which allows the heart to continue to pump blood through the organs. This preserves organ function until organs are recovered and gifted to recipients.
Brain death can be difficult to understand. Many times a person who has suffered brain death merely looks asleep while on the ventilator. When the brain ceases to function, the person dies and is permanently unable to think, breathe, see, hear or feel. Without oxygen and blood flow to the brain, the heart stops beating and all vital organs — heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, pancreas and intestines — are unable to function. Medical equipment, such as a ventilator, can keep the heart and all other vital organs functioning after the brain has died. Without the ventilator, the person would not be able to breathe on his/ her own and the heart would stop beating within minutes. A severe head injury or brain hemorrhage (bleeding) usually causes brain death. Declaration of brain death is completed by a physician after thorough medical evaluation and clinical testing. The hospital physicians determining brain death are separate from the transplant team that completes organ recovery for transplantation.
Donation after cardiac death can also lead to organ donation through the DCD donation process. Organ donation after circulatory death takes place after the patient’s family has decided to remove ventilator support as a part of medical end of life decisions.
- How do organ donors help others? 114,000 people across the country are waiting for a lifesaving transplant. Sadly, 20 people die every day because they did not receive the organ they so desperately needed. If your loved one was an organ donor, he/she provided a second chance at life for the grateful recipients they so generously helped.
- Our heart delivers oxygen and nutrients to all the cells in our bodies. Patients who need a heart transplant will not survive without this precious gift, often waiting in the hospital or at home for many months.
- Our lungs move oxygen into our bodies and carbon dioxide out of our bodies. Lung transplants most often benefit people with cystic fibrosis, emphysema and pulmonary hypertension.
- Our liver cleanses our blood and removes waste and toxins from our bodies. People in liver failure are often jaundiced, which means that their skin and eyes have yellowed because this vital organ is no longer working. The liver can be split and transplanted into two recipients.
- Our pancreas regulates blood sugar through the production of insulin. People with diabetes benefit from a pancreas transplant.
- Our kidneys are the filtration system of the body. Kidney failure may be a result of kidney disease, diabetes or high blood pressure.
- Our intestines break down the food we eat and allow the body to absorb nutrients. People with digestive disorders benefit from an intestine transplant.
- When will I receive recipient information? After Indiana Donor Network receives information from the transplant centers, we will provide you with general characteristics of the recipient(s), such as age by decade, gender, and current medical condition. You will receive a letter approximately one month after donation. If you desire further updates on the recipient(s), you may click here or call the Aftercare Support Team at 888.275.4676 to request this information.
- How are my loved one’s organs matched with recipients? The United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS) keeps a national list of everyone in the United States waiting for an organ transplant. The organ coordinators who worked with your family communicated with UNOS to find the best matches between your loved one’s organs and waiting recipients. The system is designed to fairly distribute organs based on medical urgency, genetic matching, waiting time and geography. Factors such as race, gender, income, or celebrity status do not influence who receives organs and tissue.
Tissue Donation
Your loved one’s tissue donation is an incredible gift that restores life and hope to grateful recipients. Each year millions of people benefit through the restored health and quality of life that donated tissue provides. Your loved one is treated with the utmost respect and special care is taken to preserve his or her appearance.
- How does donated tissue help others?
- Corneas — Disease, infection or trauma to the thin clear covering of the eye, the cornea, can cause blindness. Sight can be restored through transplantation of donated corneas.
- Heart valves, descending thoracic aorta, aortic arch and pericardium — Donated heart vessels and valves can mean the difference between life and death to recipients. The largest vessels of the heart leading to and from the lungs may be transplanted to a patient whose vessels have been damaged by trauma or disease. Cells from the vessels may also be extracted so a fully functioning new vessel can be grown for use in surgery. The pericardium is the sac surrounding the heart and is often used as a patch or covering to help in cardiac, bladder, brain or oral surgeries.
- Skin — Donated skin can be used as a temporary covering for severe burns. The donated skin functions as the burn patient’s own skin for a short time, reducing pain and decreasing the risk of infection. It is also used to replace the inner layer of a patient’s skin, significantly reducing scarring and restoring mobility. Skin grafts are used to fill soft tissue defects due to cancer or trauma, to restore bladder control, in periodontal surgery to correct gingival defects, and to facilitate abdominal wall repair for hernias or other injuries.
- Bone grafts and associated connective tissues — Thousands of people require surgery to repair spinal injuries, to reconstruct jaws after cancer or severe gum disease, to repair oral damage or to replace limbs after trauma. Disease and trauma, sometimes from sports injuries, cause damage to certain joints in the body, such as the knee or the shoulder. Donated ligaments and tendons are used to rebuild these joints and restore mobility. Other connective tissues are used as a strengthening measure in tissue areas throughout the body that have weakened due to illness, age, or disease process. Bone grafts are beneficial to help patients with bone cancer and are used in a variety of orthopedic surgeries to replace or restore function, mobility and structural support. Smaller sections of bone help to strengthen areas of a deformed spine or to fill areas where bone has been lost or damaged.
- Veins and arteries — Many people lose circulation in their legs, or even in their hearts, due to disease or trauma. Donated veins and arteries are used to restore circulation in heart bypass surgery and to avoid limb amputation. Aortoiliac arteries are used in vascular reconstructive surgery treating aneurysms and or synthetic graft infection.
- How will you learn how your loved one’s tissue is used? If your loved one was a tissue donor, he/she may have the opportunity to restore the health of 125 or more people. Information about the recipients of your loved one’s corneas recipients is usually available within several weeks. Because tissue grafts are transplantable for up to five years, we may not know the impact of your loved one’s gift of donation for some time. It can take approximately 9 months for the gifts of tissue to be prepared for transplant. After this time, if you would like to find out more about if/how your loved one’s tissue was used, you may click here or call the Aftercare Support Team at 888.275.4676 to request this information.
Research Donation
Through donations to advance medical research, your loved one has another opportunity to help others. Indiana Donor Network will make every attempt to transplant your loved one’s organs and/or tissues. Because of current or preexisting medical conditions, your loved one’s organs can be authorized for life-enhancing research. Our organization works with a variety of researchers in Indiana and throughout the U.S. In some cases, we can provide you with information about the diseases researchers are investigating and the goal of the study immediately. However, because life sciences research is ever changing, some studies may take years to develop. In such cases, no specific follow-up information can be provided.
Remember that your loved one’s donation to research is invaluable and will benefit medical research that leads to new therapies, procedures, and medicines that will improve health and save lives. Drugs to help lower cholesterol, lower blood pressure, or strengthen bones to prevent osteoporosis have helped many people live longer, healthier lives. Without research, these drugs would not exist.
If you desire additional information concerning your loved one’s donation to medical research, please contact Indiana Donor Network at 888.275.4676. We will share all information available.
Recipients of the Gift
- Will I hear from my loved one’s recipients? The decision to communicate is a personal one for both donor families and transplant patients. After the death of your loved one, you have the option to correspond anonymously with the organ recipient(s) and Indiana Donor Network will forward your letters.
When writing a letter, we encourage you to do what is most comfortable for you. If you choose to write a letter, please send it to one of our aftercare support team members who will review your letter to ensure confidentiality and then forward it to the recipient. Please feel free to send a greeting card, a letter, or photographs. As a tissue donor family, because the gifts of tissue donation may not be shared for transplant for quite some time, we are unable to forward letters from tissue donor families to tissue recipients until a recipient has initiated contact.
Please understand that recipients also go through a period of grief because they realize that the gift they received came as the result of someone’s death. It takes time for some recipients to fin the words to express gratitude to their donor family. Indiana Donor Network cannot guarantee the recipient will correspond with your family. Whether or not you receive communication from your loved one’s recipients, please know that his or her gifts of donation are received with hope and appreciation.
Following written correspondence between both your family and the recipient(s), both parties can request that Indiana Donor Network release their contact information. Some donor families and recipients choose to meet in person. Arrangements for telephone calls or meetings are coordinated with the support of the Indiana Donor Network Aftercare program. Click here to learn more about writing to recipient(s).
Donation Updates
One of the additional ways we can support you is to share updated information regarding your loved one’s donation. Our support team members, listed below, can provide health updates about organ recipients as well as general transplant information about potential tissue recipients beginning 9 months following the donation. For more details about donation updates, or to request an update, please click here.
Strength
“Strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t.” — Rikki Rogers
There’s a Tibetan philosophy that says, “Tragedy should be used as a source of strength.” However, in the middle of grief and suffering, feeling any sort of strength can seem impossible. What grievers may not know is that by acknowledging the death of a loved one, strength can emerge. Grief naturally brings pain, and because of that pain, the tendency many grievers have is to ignore or push those feelings of hurt aside. In reality, the only way to gain strength and healing is to go through the journey of experiencing grief to get to the other side. There is no shortcut to quickly healing after the death of someone we love.
As Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt teaches, as painful and uncomfortable as grief can be, some find strength by saying “hello” on the path to “good bye.” It’s through telling the story of your loved one and going through the grief journey that healing begins and strength emerges.
So what about getting through the day-to-day? After the death of a loved one, gathering the strength to simply complete normal tasks can seem impossible. Forgetfulness, inability to focus and poor concentration can make grievers feel like they are going “crazy.” The good news is that these experiences are actually the brain’s way of coping with the death. The brain is overwhelmed by painful and life-changing aspects of grief, which can deplete the griever’s energy. It is important to take breaks from your grief to relieve your brain with activities like going to a funny movie, taking a walk, or reading a good book.
Grief can be overwhelming so be sure to take this new journey day by day. Many grievers say that they feel like they are on a roller coaster of difficulties, which can feel exhausting. Check out these tips to help with lack of concentration and forgetfulness.
https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-and-concentration/
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” ―Maya Angelou
Strength in Grief Articles
- Mustering the Courage to Mourn
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/mustering-courage-mourn/ - Open to the Presence of Your Loss
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/open-presence-loss/ - Healing Your Grieving Body: Physical Practices for Mourners
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/healing-grieving-body-physical-practices-mourners/ - A Grief Shared
https://agriefshared.com/2018/01/29/strength-in-weakness/ - The Six Needs of Mourning
https://www.centerforloss.com/grief/six-needs-mourning/
Suggested Strength in Grief Readings
- The Depression of Grief: Coping with Your Sadness and Knowing When to Get Help
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-depression-of-grief-coping-with-your-sadness-and-knowing-when-to-get-help/ - Healing Your Grieving Body: 100 Physical Practices for Mourners
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/healing-your-grieving-body-100-physical-practices-for-mourners/ - The Wilderness of Grief: Finding Your Way
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-wilderness-of-grief-finding-your-way/ - Eight Critical Questions for Mourners? And the Answers That Will Help You Heal
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/eight-critical-questions-for-mourners/
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Comfort
“The word comfort is from two Latin words meaning ‘with’ and ‘strong’. He is with us to make us strong. Comfort is not soft, weakening commiseration; it is true, strengthening love.” — Amy Carmichael
Finding comfort while grieving may seem challenging and sometimes even impossible. While nothing can take away the pain you feel, there are ways to find comfort while going through the grief journey. Just as grief is different for everyone, finding comfort is not a one-size fits all remedy. As your journey continues, you may begin to receive relief from small moments that take place day-to-day. These moments are unique to you so embrace and carry them with you, as a source of support when you are experiencing a “bad” day.
When your world has turned upside down and nothing is the same as it once was, keeping your daily routine is crucial. Creating a safe place for mourning can promote moments of feeling healthy during your grief journey. You may find it helpful to write down these moments of normalcy to refer to when needed.
Our bodies will naturally protect us from the overwhelming feelings of loss by allowing you to only feel and remember parts of this experience that your brain can handle. This is your body’s natural and healthy way of coping through difficult and painful times.
Here are a few suggestions of ways to seek comfort while grieving:
- Tell the story of your loved one – It is cathartic and healing to tell and retell the story of your loved one’s lifetime. Talk about details of who they were, how you met, your favorite characteristics about them, the memories you have of time together and anything else you are comfortable with sharing.
- Be creative – whether you are crafty or not, using your mind and hands while creating something in memory of your loved one can be therapeutic.
- Cook – make your loved one’s favorite meal, the first meal you ate together, or go out to eat at their favorite restaurant.
- Watch movies – watch your loved one’s favorite movie or a movie that you enjoyed together.
- Seek support through community – connecting with others who have also experienced grief can provide comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this journey. Seeking connection through grief support groups or even Facebook groups can also help provide a sense of community support. AC Donor Family Facebook page
- Care for yourself – it may seem simple but taking care of ourselves falls to the back burner, especially while in grief. Take the time to do little things (eventually they add up) that will help comfort and relax you each day.
- Explore your interests – hobbies and special interests can be a healthy way to reconnect with things you enjoy, which naturally provide comfort.
- Journal – as shared above, writing your thoughts provides a healthy and comforting outlet for processing information and memories.
Suggested Articles
- Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/healing-your-grieving-heart-100-practical-ideas/ - Threads of Compassion
https://162.240.55.4/resources/donor-families/threads-of-compassion/ - The Mourner’s Bill of Rights
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/11/mourners-bill-rights/
Suggested Readings
- The Understanding Your Grief Journal: Exploring the Ten Essential Touchstones
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-understanding-your-grief-journal-exploring-the-ten-essential-touchstones/ - Eight Critical Questions for Mourners? And the Answers That Will Help You Heal
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/eight-critical-questions-for-mourners/ - Words of Comfort To Pave Your Journey of Loss
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/words-of-comfort-to-pave-your-journey-of-loss-ellen-gerst/1113898408?ean=2940015800425
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Hope
Although it may seem distant, over time you will move through the painful journey of grief. Hope will return in small doses to your life. — Hope for today and hope for the future. Dr. Alan Wolfelt often shares that, “Hope is an expectation of something good that is yet to be.” It is the anticipation of something better, something positive, that we do not fully know yet. Grief can cause us to go through the most painful and challenging experience of our lives. It can leave us feeling overwhelmed, out of control, and hopeless. Grief questions of “why and how?” should be processed to move you towards hope.
As hope begins to appear, the internal energy that gives meaning and purpose to life will begin to come back. This is when you will begin to feel the need to reinvest. Reinvesting can mean connecting with other people, strengthening existing relationships, creating new friendships, and finding purpose again through activities you enjoy.
One way to bring hope into your life is to remind yourself that you will survive this journey in some way, somehow. Know that this will occur in its own time.
“When the world says, ‘Give up’, Hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.” — Anonymous
Suggested Articles
- The Importance of Hope
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/the-importance-of-hope/ - Grief is Hope
http://stunnedbygrief.com/stunned-by-grief/grief-is-hope/
Suggested Readings
- Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/understanding-your-grief/ - The Mourner’s Book of Hope: 30 Days of Inspiration
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/mourners-book-of-hope/ - Living with Loss: One Day at a Time
https://www.opentohope.com/living-with-loss-one-day-at-a-time/
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Connection
“Invisible threads are the strongest ties.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
The importance of connection in grief can have several meanings. Here are a few illustrations:
When someone you love dies, you do not simply stop loving them, the love you have continues and the grief you feel is a reflection of your love for them. It is important to know that it is okay to love the person who died because you will always have a connection to them. Connection is created by talking about your favorite memories and sharing your loved one’s story with others. By doing this, you are creating stories of hope in the midst of your grief journey.
Linking objects are items that once belonged to the person who died. They remind you of your loved one and can help maintain a sense of connection. For example, a daughter may wear the necklace of her mother who died, a son may use power tools that belonged to his dad and a wife may hold on to her husband’s watch as a keepsake. These items become important because they were important to the person who died and they help us feel a strong sense of connection. Linking objects are a natural and healthy way of honoring and remembering the person who died.
Grieving people may feel isolated because they do not want to be a burden to others. You may worry that others would not understand your experience. In connecting with others who are also walking a grief journey, healing and bonding can begin to form. Sharing time with others through a support group, Facebook, volunteer advocacy program or church group are just a few ways seek support from others.
AC Donor Family FB page
Suggested Articles
- A Grief Concept You Should Care About: Continuing Bonds
https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-concept-care-continuing-bonds/ - Continuing Bonds: Shifting the Grief Paradigm
https://whatsyourgrief.com/continuing-bonds-shifting-the-grief-paradigm/ - Mending Grief Through Advocacy
https://162.240.55.4/mending-grief-advocacy/ - Grief’s Linking Objects: The Winnowing Process
https://www.opentohope.com/griefs-linking-objects-winnowing-process/ - Reconnecting Through Community
https://hopegroups.org/reconnecting-through-community/
Suggested Readings
- The Understanding Your Grief Journal: Exploring the Ten Essential Touchstones
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-understanding-your-grief-journal-exploring-the-ten-essential-touchstones/ - The Mourner’s Book of Faith: 30 Days of Enlightenment
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-mourner-s-book-of-faith-30-days-of-enlightenment/ - Loving from the Outside In, Mourning from the Inside Out
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/loving-from-the-outside-in-mourning-from-the-inside-out/
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Legacy
“You are remembered for what you give, not for what you take.
Give as much as you want to be remembered.” ― Matshona Dhliwayo
One of the most important aspects for a griever is that their loved one is not forgotten. Whether their loved one gave the gift of organ or tissue donation, donor families often feel that their loved one’s legacy lives on in others because they were able to give the gift of life. Donor families also express that because their loved one helped others, the final act of something good coming from a difficult situation helps them through their grief journey. This sense of ongoing legacy is a true testament that their loved one is not forgotten.
Families can find many ways to have ongoing remembrance and celebration. Indiana Donor Network provides opportunities to share messages of hope and legacy through our advocacy program. Becoming an advocate allows donor families to share their stories of life and donation legacy. It also provides opportunities to be in the community with other donor families. This naturally creates a sense of belonging.
Many donor families express pride that their loved left the legacy of life and became a donor hero. If you are interested in sharing your loved one’s story through our volunteer advocacy program click here to learn more.
We will always remember your loved one and your family for the precious gifts of life. The intention to give and enhance life adds brilliance and purpose to the spirit of humanity. This spirit inspires and humbles us. We cannot thank you enough.
To share your Story of Hope and inspire others to become heroes, click here.
Suggested Articles
- Grief and Oral History: keeping memories alive
https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-and-oral-history/ - Organ Donor’s Wife Finds Healing and Handmade Hope
https://162.240.55.4/organ-donor-wife-finds-healing-at-handmade-hope-event/ - A Donor Sister Details Her Internship at Indiana Donor Network
https://162.240.55.4/a-donor-sister-details-her-internship-at-indiana-donor-network/
Suggested Readings
- Loving from the Outside In, Mourning from the Inside Out
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/loving-from-the-outside-in-mourning-from-the-inside-out/ - Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive
https://www.amazon.com/Passed-Present-Keeping-Memories-Loved/dp/1580056121
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Inspiration
The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” — Pablo Picasso
Draw inspiration from the person who died — would they be proud of who you are and what you are doing? Finding inspiration in the core of your grief might feel challenging. Inspiration can come from day to day interactions with others, finding joy in small things or from unexpected moments.
Meaning and motivation can come from interactions with others who are grieving. Being in community with donor family advocates or meeting transplant recipients can provide healing as you honor your donor hero.
“We rise by lifting others.” – Robert Ingersoll
Creating a sense of connection with other donor families can provide encouragement. Giving back to others and helping people in the middle of your own pain can serve as a source of strength and inspiration. Be mindful of moments where you can find gratitude or inspiration, even if it seems like a small part of the day. Then, gradually build on that moment of gratitude.
Suggested Articles
- The Spiritual Path to Healing: An Introduction
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/spiritual-path-healing-introduction/ - 64 Tips For Working Out and Eating Well While Grieving
https://whatsyourgrief.com/64-tips-grief-and-exercise/ - The Surprising Truth About Ritual and Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/surprising-truth-ritual-grief/ - The Privilege of Working in Donation: A Social Worker’s Perspective https://162.240.55.4/privilege-working-donation-social-workers-perspective/
Suggested Readings
- The Mourner’s Book of Hope: 30 Days of Inspiration
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/mourners-book-of-hope/ - Healing Your Grieving Soul: 100 Spiritual Practices for Mourners
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/healing-your-grieving-soul-100-spiritual-practices-for-mourners/ - The Understanding Your Grief Journal: Exploring the Ten Essential Touchstones
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-understanding-your-grief-journal-exploring-the-ten-essential-touchstones/ - The Mourner’s Book of Faith: 30 Days of Enlightenment
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-mourner-s-book-of-faith-30-days-of-enlightenment/ - Mindfulness & Grief, Coping with Grief & Loss Through Meditation, Yoga & Journaling
https://www.opentohope.com/mindfulness-grief-coping-with-grief-loss-through-meditation-yoga-journaling/
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Change
“Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.” ― Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
Learning to live without your loved one can be the most difficult part of progressing through the grief journey. Death naturally brings change and a loss of control, which can be scary and difficult to go through. You may experience situations when you feel like others are being insensitive because they simply keep living their lives day-to-day. For you, the whole world may seem to have stopped. It can be overwhelming that others continue their daily routines. Activities like getting out of bed, going to work, laughing, cooking, going to see a movie, and shopping can feel like far off memories of what once was.
With time, as you become accustomed to your loved one’s absence, you will naturally develop a new routine and ultimately find a “new normal.” You will eventually notice that your day-to-day functioning has improved and that the “good” days will start to outnumber the “bad.”
There is no magic time frame for you to begin to begin to feel better. Death brings change, which can be sudden or expected. Adjusting to your life during this grief journey takes time. Humans are creatures of habit and it is important to be patient with yourself through grief.
Loss is transformative which means that the change you are experiencing can ultimately bring about growth through this difficult time. You may come to realize that you are a different person now than you were before the loss occurred.
Suggested Articles
- On the Journey to healing: Seek Reconciliation, Not Resolution
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/journey-healing-seek-reconciliation-not-resolution/ - The Ideal of Grieving Well
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ideal-grieving-well/ - The Reality of Growth and Grief: where the hell is my rainbow?
https://whatsyourgrief.com/reality-of-growth-and-grief/ - What it Means to ‘Change Your Relationship With Grief’
https://whatsyourgrief.com/changing-your-relationship-with-grief/ - When Feeling Okay Feels Wrong
https://whatsyourgrief.com/feeling-okay-feels-wrong-grief/ - I Don’t Know Who I Am Anymore: grief and loss of identity
https://whatsyourgrief.com/dont-know-anymore-grief-loss-identity/ - Grieving Who I Used to Be
https://whatsyourgrief.com/grieving-who-i-used-to-be/
Suggested Readings
- Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/understanding-your-grief/ - The Journey Through Grief: Reflections On Healing Second Edition
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-journey-through-grief-reflections-on-healing-second-edition/ - The Paradoxes of Mourning: Healing Your Grief with Three Forgotten Truths
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-paradoxes-of-mourning/ - Living with Loss: One Day at a Time
https://www.opentohope.com/living-with-loss-one-day-at-a-time/
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Courage
“Having courage does not mean that we are unafraid. Having courage and showing courage means we face our fears. We are able to say, ‘I have fallen but I will get up again.'” – Maya Angelou
Moving through the journey of grief can feel like an isolating experience. It may be difficult to consider now but when your heart is open it allows for mourning to take place. Mourning is the open, outward expression of grief in a healthy manner. Mourning can be challenging and is a pivotal point in your journey. By expressing grief outwardly, you are acknowledging the death of your loved one. This makes the death real and will require courage.
Seeking grief support from others is a decision that also can be difficult. It can be challenging and intimidating to reach out for help or support. Few grieving people proactively seek help because they do not want to feel like a burden to others. They may feel that others cannot know what they are going through. Seeking support from people who have experienced the death of a loved one and are walking the same journey can be courageous. It is a healthy way of connecting in your community with support.
Sharing your heartache and your pain with someone else can promote healing when trust is established in a supportive, healthy environment.
Suggested Articles
- The Journey Through Grief: The Six Needs of Mourning
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/journey-grief-six-needs-mourning/ - Reaching Out for Help When You Are Grieving
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/reaching-help-grieving/ - Congratulate yourself, you’re coping with grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/congratulations-coping-with-grief/ - 5 Reasons Why it Can Be Hard to Cope With Loss
https://whatsyourgrief.com/reasons-why-coping-with-loss-can-be-hard/
Suggested Readings
- The Journey Through Grief: Reflections On Healing Second Edition
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-journey-through-grief-reflections-on-healing-second-edition/ - The Wilderness of Grief: Finding Your Way
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-wilderness-of-grief-finding-your-way/ - The Mourner’s Book of Courage: 30 Days of Encouragement
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-mourner-s-book-of-courage-30-days-of-encouragement/
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Patience
“You can have compassion for yourself-which is not self-pity. You’re simply recognizing that ‘this is tough, this hurts,’ and bringing the same warmhearted wish for suffering to lessen or end that you would bring to any dear friend grappling with the same pain, upset, or challenges as you.” –Rick Hanson, Just One Thing
Grief is hard work both physically and mentally. Be patient with yourself because in the midst of grief, you may experience forgetfulness, sleep disturbances, and eating habit changes. It is imperative to deal with experiences that may be uncomfortable. Remember to work through your grief journey at your own pace.
Having patience with yourself can be difficult, because many of us are our own worst critics. While grieving you are accepting the reality that your loved one has died, which can be painful and exhausting. Moving through this journey takes patience and time. Allow yourself a quiet and peaceful space. Silence brings solitude and gives honor to the natural instinct to mourn and reflect on the person who died.
Our fast-paced society expects you to move on, stay busy and stop talking about or ignore your grief. This can hinder a healthy grieving process. Unless you have lost a loved one it can be difficult to understand that grieving is an ongoing journey and is never ending. Dr. Alan Wolfelt teaches that grief should be a slow process, “There are no rewards for speed.” Grief by nature is something to be experienced and cannot be ignored or set aside.
Suggested Articles
- Are you there yet? The pressure to get over grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/pressure-to-get-over-grief/ - Self-Care
http://www.hellogrief.org/topics/self-care/ - The Need for Self-Compassion in Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/self-compassion-in-grief/
Suggested Readings
- Grief One Day at a Time: 365 Meditations to Help You Heal After Loss
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/grief-one-day-time-365-meditations-help-heal-loss/ - The Paradoxes of Mourning: Healing Your Grief with Three Forgotten Truths
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/the-paradoxes-of-mourning/
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Memories
“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” – Dr. Seuss
Having a dedicated space to remember your loved one and cherish on special memories can be comforting and is a healthy way of grieving. You may take the time you need to reflect on special or favorite memories of the person who died. Write those memories in a journal for safekeeping and comfort when needed.
Verbalizing your memories can be healing and will promote the outward expression of sharing about your loved one with others. Talk with family members and friends about your favorite moments and share stories with each other. This ritual of repeated storytelling can be healing.
In addition, honoring your loved one through existing and new unique family traditions can be inspiring. Important dates of significance throughout the year such as holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays are special ways you can remember your loved one in a meaningful and healthy way.
Indiana Donor Network Provides Remembrance Opportunities
Donor Family Events
Our team hosts remembrance events throughout the year. This provides remembrance opportunities for donor families, like yours, to come together and share memories of loved ones. To learn more about our remembrance events click here.
Life Celebration Quilts
Indiana Life Celebration Quilts commemorate the lives of those who have given the gift of life through organ and tissue donation. Donor families create these unique quilts by designing quilt squares in honor of their loved ones. Once assembled, the quilts are displayed at events across the state to recognize donors and increase awareness of organ and tissue donation. To read more about the Indiana Life Celebration Quilts and to download the Life Celebration Quilt brochure and guidelines, click here.
Remembrance Quilt Suggested Article:
Creating a Memorial Quilt: the inspiring work of Lori Mason
https://whatsyourgrief.com/creating-memorial-quilt-lori-mason/
Click here to see more Indiana Donor Network events.
Follow Indiana Donor Network on Social Media
Suggested Articles
- What’s Your Memory? Remembering Everyday Moments
https://whatsyourgrief.com/memories-memories-memories/ - Here Are 25 Ways To Honor The Memory Of Someone’s Life
https://aplus.com/a/25-Ways-To-Honor-Memory-Loved-One?no_monetization=true - Grief & Pinterest
https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-and-pinterest-really/ - Memorials Large and Small: Real People Remembering Loved Ones
https://whatsyourgrief.com/remembering-someone-who-has-died/ - Grief and Oral History: keeping memories alive
https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-and-oral-history/
Suggested Readings
- Loving from the Outside In, Mourning from the Inside Out
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/loving-from-the-outside-in-mourning-from-the-inside-out/ - Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive
https://www.amazon.com/Passed-Present-Keeping-Memories-Loved/dp/1580056121
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Honor & Celebrate
“Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard but always near, still loved, still missed, and held so dear.”
When the time is right and you are ready, take the opportunity to honor and celebrate your loved one’s lifetime and legacy. They became a hero with the gift of life, which is unique and special. The preface of honoring and celebrating is meaningful and well deserved.
Although the grief journey can be painful, grief could not and does not exist without the connection you have with the person who died. Grief is a direct reflection of the relationship and is the response to the pain you feel because of death. We as humans can’t help but be changed by the life and death of someone significant in our lives. When ready and appropriate this lifetime legacy is something to honor and celebrate.
Opportunities for Remembrance
It is our privilege to support you and your family and to pay tribute to the generous men, women and children who save and heal lives through donation. In this spirit, we invite you to create a quilt square to be woven with the squares submitted by other donor families into quilts. These squares make up a patchwork of memories, lovingly created by families in our region. You need not be a quilter or artist to contribute. We invite you to view photos of our quilts and patches on our website, https://162.240.55.4/donor-families/threads-of-compassion/ as well as instructions for submitting your square. Or feel free to contact us at 317.685.0389 or 888.275.4676.
We also hosts remembrance events during the year to provide opportunities for donor family members to come together and share memories of their loved ones.
There is an annual Gift of Life Celebration, Handmade Hope events, workshops held in the Summer and Winter and the annual Remembrance Wall event. Click here to learn more about our events.
Indiana Donor Network also hosts special events such as the Walk/Run 5K events, held in Fort Wayne, Evansville, and Indianapolis. Each event features a Garden of Hope where donor families can honor a loved one who gave hope and healing to others through donation. The Garden of Hope is a focal point during the Indiana Donor Network 5K events. The signs displayed in this special area are a tribute to the many lives touched by the gift of donation. Your sign will feature a picture of you or your loved one along with a special message. 5k website
Suggested Articles
- How To Celebrate A Lost Loved One While Grieving
https://www.elitedaily.com/life/celebrate-lost-loved-one-grieving/1788219 - 100+ Best Celebration of Life Ideas
https://www.loveliveson.com/100-best-celebration-of-life-ideas-2/ - Ways to Honor a Deceased Loved One
https://www.vitas.com/resources/grief-and-bereavement/ways-to-honor-a-loved-one - A Time for Remembering and Celebrating the Gift of Life
https://162.240.55.4/a-time-for-remembering-and-celebrating-the-gift-of-life/ - Indianapolis Family to Honor Organ, Tissue and Eye Donor Heroes at Indiana Donor Network 5K https://162.240.55.4/indiana-donor-network-5k-heroes/
- Good Grief: 10 Ways to Honor a Loved One’s Death
https://foreverymom.com/health-fitness/grief-honor-loved-ones-death-dorina-gilmore/
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Anniversary
“The anniversary date of a loved ones death is particularly significant. You will have done something you thought was impossible a few months earlier. You will have survived an entire year without someone who was as important to you as life itself” — Bob Diets
The anniversary of your loved one’s death may be more difficult to bear than you realize. In fact, many grievers may experience an increased level of emotion, anxiety, or depression as the day approaches. Anniversaries are meant to be celebrated with family and friends. But the anniversary of a loved one’s death can be incredibly painful to acknowledge.
It’s important to find healthy ways to observe day. There isn’t a right or a wrong way. Just like the relationship you had with the person who died, the way in which you choose to reflect and remember this day will be unique.
A few suggestions:
- Take flowers to their gravesite
- Plan a memorial service
- Spend peaceful moments with friends
- Attend a faith-based service of your choice
- Spend quiet time in nature
The significance of the day will always be there. It’s your choice to find healthy ways to experience this milestone. The good news is, you are going through this grief journey and you will eventually come out the other side.
Suggested Anniversary Articles
- Coping with Milestone Grief
https://162.240.55.4/coping-milestone-grief/ - Is ‘Deathiversary’ Actually A Word?
https://whatsyourgrief.com/is-deathiversary-actually-a-word/ - Dealing with Special days: Anniversaries, Birthdays, and Holidays
https://www.opentohope.com/dealing-with-special-days-anniversaries-birthdays-and-holidays/ - Dealing with the Anniversary of a Loved One’s Death: 30 Ideas
https://whatsyourgrief.com/dealing-with-the-anniversary-of-a-loved-ones-death/ - Everyday Love: The Death Anniversary Several Years Later
https://whatsyourgrief.com/death-anniversary-years-later/
Suggested Anniversary Readings
- Coping with the Anniversary of a Loved One’s Death
https://whatsyourgrief.com/product/coping-anniversary-loved-ones-death-50-pack/
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Birthday
“The holiest of holidays are those kept by ourselves in silence and apart: the secret anniversaries of the heart.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Milestones such as a loved one’s birthday can be a painful reminder of their death. It’s important to make a healthy plan for that day to help you honor and celebrate the person who died.
Find meaningful ways to honor your loved one’s memory. There isn’t a right or a wrong way. The relationship with the person who died had many unique characteristics. The way you choose to remember and celebrate them on their birthday will be a reflection of their lifetime.
A few suggestions:
- Bake a cake or host a birthday dinner
- Cook their favorite meal
- Watch their favorite movie
- Get together with friends
- Take the trip you’ve always dreamt about
The significance of the birthday will always be there. Experience this day in a way that feels empowering along your grief journey.
Suggested Articles
- Dealing with Special days: Anniversaries, Birthdays, and Holidays
https://www.opentohope.com/dealing-with-special-days-anniversaries-birthdays-and-holidays/ - And Many More: Celebrating a Deceased Loved One’s Birthday
https://whatsyourgrief.com/deceased-loved-ones-birthday/ - Grief Diary — What Do You Do When A Loved One’s Birthday Comes Around?
http://www.thecontentwolf.com/life/grief-diary-what-do-you-do-when-a-loved-ones-birthday-comes-around/ - Celebrating Birthdays After Loss
https://162.240.55.4/celebrating-birthdays-after-loss/
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
Blogs
Holidays
“The memories of our loved ones are stored in our heart and soul…They are forever and eternal.” –Necole Stephens
The holiday season can be incredibly difficult for many years after your loved one’s death. It’s important to create a plan for the holiday season that will help to honor and celebrate the person who died. The holidays are centered around spending time with loved ones and family which may increase your grief reactions. You may ask yourself, “How could I begin to go through this time of year without someone who meant so much to me?”
Find peaceful ways to participate in holiday traditions that will honor your loved one’s memory.
A few suggestions:
- Create an ornament or holiday keepsake in memory of your loved one
- Enjoy their favorite holiday food or dessert
- Watch their favorite holiday movie
- Spend time friends and other family members
- Create a new holiday tradition that you enjoy
The holiday season will always be significant as most activities are based in spending time with family. It is important to allow yourself grace as you find comfortable ways to create new holiday traditions. These are important milestones in healing throughout your grief journey.
Holiday & Grief Articles
- Helping Yourself Heal During the Holiday Season
https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/helping-heal-holiday-season/ - 64 Tips for Coping with Grief at the Holidays
https://whatsyourgrief.com/64-tips-grief-at-the-holidays/ - Choosing Gratitude after the Loss of a Loved One
https://162.240.55.4/choosing-gratitude-loss-loved-one/ - Tips to Cope with Grief and Loss During the Holidays
http://www.hellogrief.org/tips-to-cope-with-grief-and-loss-during-the-holidays/ - New Perspective on Old Traditions: Grief and the Holidays
https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-and-the-holidays/ - Dealing with Special days: Anniversaries, Birthdays, and Holidays
https://www.opentohope.com/dealing-with-special-days-anniversaries-birthdays-and-holidays/
Suggested Holiday & Grief Readings
- A Practical Guide For Grieving During The Holidays
https://whatsyourgrief.com/product/a-practical-guide-for-grieving-during-the-holidays/ - Healing Your Holiday Grief
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/healing-your-holiday-grief/
Suggested Website Support
- What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ - Center for Loss & Life Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/ - Open to Hope
https://www.opentohope.com/ - Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org - Grief.com
https://grief.com/ - Refuge in Grief
https://www.refugeingrief.com/ - Mindfulness and Grief
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/
Suggested Podcasts
- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-your-grief-podcast-grief/id946757971?mt=2
- https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief-podcast/
- https://www.refugeingrief.com/meganspodcasts/
Grief Sharing Group
